I’m black, gay, and a woman
Which part of me will I need to defend?
On January 20th, I didn’t know I’d need to protect myself
From someone I considered my friend.
“I’m gonna make you like guys again”
Are the actual words that he said
Just months before he carried me to his apartment
And laid me on his bed.
I was in and out of consciousness
Which makes it a lot harder
I wish I could’ve slept through it
And used sleep as some kind of mental armor.
But instead I remember
I remember it all
I remember seeing my pants
And watching them fall.
Why are you doing this?
I thought we were friends
Never in a million years would I have thought
That this is how my night would end.
You had said it before
“Let’s do it one more time”
I thought if I just kept saying no
That everything would be fine.
I trusted you
Which is why you waited
Until I couldn’t say no
Until I was incredibly intoxicated.
You opened my jaw
You filled my mouth
Oh my god I can’t breathe
I just want to blackout.
I wake up again
And I’m aware that you know
That I’m on my period
Because earlier I had let it show.
So what do you do?
You anally rape me.
And you only pushed harder and faster
When you heard me groaning.
Hours pass and you start again
But this time I think I can move
This time you won’t win.
Afraid, alone, and confused
Are only 3 of the emotions I was feeling
My hands were steady
But my brain was reeling.
I called my friend
And told her I was gonna be fine
That I had a lot of homework to do
And not a lot of time.
Thank God for my sisters
That didn’t let me crumble or stay weak
They told me to get the fuck up
And go to the police.
That’s what I needed
That’s what I did
And now I won’t stop fighting
Until you own up to what you did.